I’ve always suffered from imposter syndrome and felt like a bit of a fraud. Deep down, I think I’m always waiting for someone to figure out that I don’t belong here. And here has never been constant – it’s changed depending on the situation, whether that was landing a new job that I didn’t feel qualified for or getting a promotion at work that I didn’t feel was deserved.

Lately, here is being a photographer/filmmaker – something that I definitely identify as, but have been having a little trouble with.

I remember doing my first paid portrait photoshoot some 5 years ago. I honestly had no idea what I was doing. All I know was that I loved taking photos. I had just spent all my savings on a ‘real camera’ and was posting to Facebook often. When persons started saying things like ‘you does really tek nice pitcha’ or ‘you should do this professionally’, I began to listen.

Was this really something that I could one day be paid to do? As I pondered this, I started to get requests to shoot an event here and there. Eventually, I said yes and was on my first real shoot. I was super scared and clueless, but that first session turned out really well. I had a great rapport with the client and she loved the final images.But that didn’t make me a real photographer. I was just a kid fooling around with a camera and some fancy gear, right? If I had happen to run into a real photographer, I’d honestly have been embarrassed. I had no business pretending to be one of them!

SHOOTING PROFESSIONALLY

But that first client led to another and then another and as the years passed, I’ve become a lot more confortable with a camera in my hands.As I’m writing this, I’ve been shooting for a decent amount of time. I’ve photographed countless weddings and events, sold dozens of prints, worked with some big companies and even travelled exclusively to shoot photos and videos. That has to make me a photographer, right? Besides, I think I’ve done some pretty stellar work! Yet why don’t I feel like I belong? Why do I still feel like I’m faking it?

BIG CHANGES

Recently, my wife and I left Guyana and moved to Canada. Naturally, everything is different. Literally everything. The food doesn’t taste like home, they drive on the wrong side of the road, they talk weird. Oh, and there’s a slight difference in the temperature 🙂

But as I find myself here in this new environment, with the need to establish myself anew, I realize that these imposter syndrome feelings have been creeping up even more. What I really want to do is to get out there and be creative. I’d love to figure out the creative landscape here and establish a footing.

I’d love to start shooting and to get clients and to prove to myself that I’m good enough to make it as a photographer and filmmaker here. But I’m just not sure how to as yet. And I feel…paralyzed. Instead of being bold and heading out there, I’ve been retreating into myself. I now identify myself by my official job title. Not as a photographer or filmmaker.I suppose this entry is an admission to myself that I need to snap out of this funk. I need to start being creative again. Even if just for my own sanity. So this is my promise to myself, and to whoever else takes the time to read my ramblings: I’m gonna conquer this city.

I’ll start shooting, writing and documenting more. I will take epic photos and share them. I’m gonna start the YouTube channel that I’ve been meaning to start for years. And that all starts once this post is published.

I really can’t be the only person who suffers from imposter syndrome, can I? I’d love to hear from you guys if you’ve ever struggled with similar feelings and what may have helped you. And even if its something that you still struggle with, drop a hi so that I know I’m not alone.

Until next time.

Damion